(March 8, 2009)

Relationships are important. Understand that the Bible is specific and clear: if our horizontal relationships--with people--are right, then our vertical relationship--with God--will be right. They will know we are Christians by our love.

John was old and mature. He was brought out on a stretcher and still preached, talking specifically about love. Anyone who hates his brother walks around in the darkness. Have you ever said "they make me so mad that I can't see straight!"? If that is your heart, you aren't walking with God's Heart, you are actually stumbling around blind in the darkness. The bitterness of bad relationships will hurt your relationship with the Father.

If you think that we'll go through life without conflict, you are sadly mistaken. Conflict is unavoidable in marriage, friendships, during childhood, etc. Who are people who deal with conflict improperly? The Critic: Complains and gives unwanted advice.
The Martyr: Someone who is a victim and tells everyone about it.
The Wet Blanket: Pessimissic and negative about everything.
The Steamroller: Insensitive and walk over people to pass their agenda.
The Gossip: Spread rumors.
The Control Freak: They want to control everyone and everything.
The Backstabber: Someone who cut people from behind when they aren't looking or ready.
The Cold Shoulder: They disengage from people during conflict, shutting down emotionally.
The Green-eyed Monster: Never satisfied and jealous.
The Volcano: Explode after letting it build and build.
The Sponge: People who walk with God for years but only take and never give.
The Competitor: Always keeping score. The Workhorse: Never gets satisfied.
The Chemeleon: Masks their feelings.
The Messiah Complex: Someone who feels it's their job to single-handedly save every situation.

If there are issues, the toughest thing is that no one wants to deal with it. Why? No one wants to be unpopular. We worry that we'll lose a friend or the fear of rejection. Most of us don't have skills in our toolbox to handle conflict. If you aren't spiritually growing, it may be because of a relationship issue. We need to learn how to deal with that. We can't just walk away, shovel it under a rug or be a "Winner-Take-All".

So, what causes conflict? Hurt people hurt people. They are tremendously wounded and it becomes a coping mechanism. Here is the pattern of conflict.

The Diagnosis and Prescription Stage: Hopes are still high that resolution can come. The parties look at the conflict, work on the problem and try to find the prescription to cure it with honest and hard work.
The Defensive Stage: People focus less on the issue and more on protecting themselves. They become cautious and start being defensive with finger-pointing. Jesus never had to defend Himself. Battle lines begin to be drawn here.
The Demands Stage: People begin to label others. It moves from solving the conflict to working on how "I can become the victor". Things get very distorted here.
The Divorce Stage: It's a dissection. They are no longer satisfied with winning, it's now about elimination of the other party. This isn't just regarding marriage, but all relationships. The conflict is no longer about the conflict. Groups form that lose trust in others.
The Demolition Stage: It's time for assassination of character. The conflict becomes a "God issue" to both parties, stating things cannot be resolved because "God wouldn't want that".

Understand the benefits of confrontation. Look at the positives in addition to the negatives. Conflict's purpose is come to a good resolution. Jesus modelled for us to be students of people, understanding what makes them tick and how to love them. Conflict allows us to come out of it with a closer, better relationship than ever before, bringing about life change.

Before you begin to deal with someone else, learn to fix yourself first. Ask God "What have I done?" Afterward, show the other tremendous love, then deal with the conflict immediately. Don't let it fester.

Stick to the true issue. Don't let conflict go out of bounds and encroach on other issues. Speak the truth with love and gentleness. Think "How did Jesus deal with conflict?" more often. People matter to God!/b>

---

Jon Bruney
Pastor

Leona Sattison
Secretary

James Bruney
Worship Leader





Drew Kuespert
Webmaster