(August 15, 2010)

Marriage is not a passive thing. When it comes to putting your mate first, it does not happen naturally. The example is Jesus Christ. We need to have the same attitude as Christ Jesus.

Statistics prove that marriage is hard to maintain in today's society. There is so much working against us when we decide to get married. It's hard work! Proof is in the stats!

How to make a marriage work in seven ingredients:

You must have an extremely-high commitment to make the marriage work. There is nothing more important in a marriage than the prime objective of both partners to make it continue.

Married partners know that to make it through is to understand how to have real, satisfying communication. When we don't communicate, things begin to break down. This isn't cliché communication, this is real communication. It's hard. It takes deep, meaningful discussion of issues that affect you both. You have to get to a point where you report the facts to each other. Then, you have to begin to share your opinions, your likes and your dislikes. This is where things can be derailed quickly. What makes us happy? What makes us sad? This is particularly tough for guys. You have to get to the point where you have complete trust and truth. Women traditionally share their feelings and men traditionally share their advice. Guys need to learn that they don't need to fix everything. Guys need to learn to open up and be free to follow her emotional lead. Don't try to fix it.

Have a strong spiritual life. The Lord needs to build the family. Attending church and sharing devotions with your family can help to divorce-proof your marriage. Only one out of 1,105 marriages in the United States end in divorce when the marriage was made in church, the family attended church regularly and the family shared devotions regularly. But, one out of two of all marriages fail in the United States on average. Jesus Christ paid a great price for us to have a great marriage, so shouldn't He matter in our lives to the level that we would be willing to attend church and share devotions?

Have effective conflict resoultion. Whenever there are two people in a relationship, there will be conflict. When there is conflict, you can either be hurt long-term or work to resolve the conflict. Remember that if you have conflict, you aren't the only one who has ever had that conflict. Seek God's help and seek His Word.

Have a great sex life. It's your job to turn off the T.V. and shut down the computer. Spend time with your spouse. Spending approprate time with your spouse will lead to a lasting marriage and sex is part of that time. But, this isn't a topic for church! It isn't? Try reading one of the steamiest books in the world: The Bible.

Have a servant attitude. What if you tried to outserve your spouse? How awesome would your marriage become?

Have a commitment to continually grow and develop. Sometimes one spouse grows and the other doesn't. When there is a gap, then the relationship can falter. You need to grow together. Read The Bible together. Attend church together. You have to have a personal desire for growth. Make sure that before you get married that your partner is willing to grow after marriage. Become best friends. Discover what you enjoy doing together.

- Jon Bruney