(August 22, 2010)

In marriage, there are several things that can kill a marriage. Successful marriage isn't about finding the right person. It's about being the right person. The marriage statistics in the world are the same as they are in the church.

Overcommitment and physical exhaustion. The press of life can cause problems with a marriage. No one lays in their death bed wishing that they could have spent more time at their job. They all wish one more hour with their family. If you would say that your spouse is the most important thing in your life, then your calendar should reflect this. Save the best for your family.

Financial conflict. It's tough when there is too much month and not enough money. In those financial struggles, are you putting God first? Are you tithing? Put God first and live by His principles.

Selfishness. Most marriages break up because of selfishness. Many that are humble and understanding before marriage suddenly ask what's in it for me?

Immaturity. Immaturity doesn't go away after a few months. Sometimes it continues for 5 or 10 years.

Pride. Guys usually struggle with this. Lord, when we are wrong, make us willing to change. When we're wrong, make us easy to live with. Let the pride go. Sometimes it's good to know that even if you're right, shut up. When pride takes over, it can be a distructive force.

Pettiness. Ladies usually struggle with this. It's like a leaky faucet. Drip, drip, drip. It's important to overlook the faults of your spouse. Don't constantly poke at them for their little faults.

Spiritual disobedience. Read God's Word and find out what He says about being unequally yoked. God is not out to take out all of your fun. Christians ought to have the most fun of anyone. But, being disobedient in God's Word will cause friction and, ultimately, marriage distruction.

The innability to enjoy life. Dating was not boring. You get excited about everything. When we date, it's exciting. When we get married, suddenly we become boring. Putting marriage on cruise control won't create a loving, lasting marriage. Plan fun and exciting things whether you have money or not. Be creative! Spice it up!

Unrealistic expectations. Sometimes spouses put expectations ridiculously high on each other. For a lasting marriage, don't expect perfection. They may have failed in one area, but the payoff is great in all of the other areas. Expecting your spouse to change in several areas, but being unwilling to change yourself can cause marital harm.

Lack of intimacy. There are times when you're not intimate in your sex life. There are times when you're not intimate in your conversation. Build intimacy with your spouse. Pride can hinder this. Be vulnerable. Here's how to build intimacy: Be other minded and put your them first, be approachable, trust them, change your desires and, finally, give them time. Pray Lord, give me the ability to have more intimate times with my spouse.

- Jon Bruney
(credit to Injoy Stewardship Resources)